Here I am at the timeless hours of the night, looking through the window frame
The air is still as a crypt, and the scent of the night wafts in, cars flash past
On the way to the dull streetscape
I drink some cold tea which invigorates me in my vigil
And asks me to have the memories and to look again at the decision I made.
The streets look for Tom, Jesus or me Tom
Grown quieter as the last traveler returned home. The memories descend on me. I wade through it, them, as
The fears and rages sipped on the lost dreams now
4 years almost ago, and the man walked in
a forced smile on his face. & telling
Who would have thought I’d be here .nothing
Makes sense, so many questions. Everything
The ideas haunt me, hurt me, rip at me.
They’ll never leave, the scars forever marking the failure.
Up in the shy the moon passes, and questions appear clearer, now
More then ever before.
Not that there will ever be an answer. There’s the man in the black coat
Eyes penetrating, he is me, I am he
& neither knows our place in the world. Not that insecure teen. Who was
going to have to go. Careening into the next life so.
To spiral & to twist out of control and never imagined
So to go. Not that girl who from very first meeting
I would never forgive, nor will I forget, the wound is to fresh to give
Into the ideas of hope and happiness & so demanded
To find someone who will never leave me. Not for money, nor family,
Not even for the blind lust which is
only our human lot & means nothing in the end. No. not that.
There’s a song “Paralyzer” . but no I won’t do that.
I am everything and nothing. When will I die? I will never die. I will live
To be 130. & I will never go away. & you will never escape from me
Who is always & only a pillar. Despite this rage. Spirit
Who lives only to watch and protect
I’m only human, & I am powerful. & I didn’t do this for me.
It was always for you.
I came into your life because I cared. I wanted
To help you.
The world spins, and we are along for the ride.